Yoga off the mat: courage
I’ve been practising yoga for over 23 years and now it’s quite simply the most important guide for how I live my life. One of the ways yoga guides me is through courage.
It’s only on reflection that I can acknowledge some of the brave choices I’ve made and the courageous things I’ve done in my life. I really can’t think of a time when I’ve made a big decision or jumped into the deep end and said to myself in that moment, '‘Well done you courageous woman!’ And yet when I look back at the moments when I’ve faced my fears and done hard things, I can see that yoga has fostered courage both on and off the mat.
My first class
My yoga journey started when I was pregnant with my first child. I joined a class at the local gym and was instantly hooked. While I loved being able to stretch and move into fascinating shapes that I never thought I could possibly do, what really intrigued me was the sense of peace and calm that washed through me even when the practice was new and challenging.
While raising two kids and building a corporate career, I started to realise that yoga was becoming more important to help me actually manage my life. I was becoming more committed to finding time to roll out my mat.
Yoga retreat junkie
In the spring of 2013 I attended my first yoga retreat. I only knew one person who was attending, and I hadn’t practised with any of the teachers before. I was so nervous that on the first night when we sat around the fire and introduced ourselves, I was utterly tongue-tied. We spent four days in a log cabin in remote bushland on the NSW south coast, near the banks of a wide and slow-running river. Alongside dedicated women I discovered seasonal yoga practices and learnt more about ancient yoga philosophies, which led to a deeper spiritual awareness. What an amazing, mind-blowing weekend that was. I had finally found my thing! My tribe! My passion!
After that, my yoga journey ramped up. I continued to practice different styles of yoga including Iyengar, Ashtanga, Restorative and Yin classes, and attended as many yoga retreats as possible. Immersing in the practices and wisdom of yoga continued to help me navigate life’s constant challenges.
Yoga teacher training
About two years later my yoga teacher from that first retreat, who had become a beautiful true friend, planted a seed by encouraging me to do a yoga teacher training course. “You’ll love it and you’ll be able to offer so much to your students”, she said!
I came up with all kinds of excuses and reasons not to go ahead. Talk about imposter syndrome! I was holding myself back from learning more about yoga because I had such a deep belief that I was not ready, not capable, and dare I say it, not worthy.
Oh the irony.
Yoga had helped me in so many ways, and yet I was scared to dive in deeper - fear was holding me back.
Big changes
In 2020 I left corporate life. It was one of the most difficult adjustments I’ve ever made. For years I’d been aware of how deeply my sense of self was embedded into my work identity and concerns around financial security. And yet I felt trapped by that hamster wheel, unable to see a way through and move towards a different way of being in the world.
Strangely, the global pandemic offered a silver lining, allowing me to reassess and recalibrate my priorities. It gave me the space and the impetus to create the life I felt I was being drawn to.
Taking that leap out of the only life I’d known - working in the corporate world - and jumping into the unknown was hard and scary. I was so full of fear about the future.
Yet once the disruption to my work life kicked in, I kept unravelling other aspects of my life. All the safety and structure, all the things I’d planned and created and organised my whole adult life - it was all up for grabs.
Eventually, I took the leap and immersed myself in an incredible 12 months of yoga studies and teacher training.
When I reflect on my yoga journey and how I faced some profoundly ingrained fears, I am so grateful to my scared yet brave self. I can look back on the journey and see how all the incremental and courageous steps have brought me to this point.